


Better Than it Was Before

by overunderachiever



Series: Soulmate September 2020 [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (idk what the word for it is), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Asexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Bad Puns, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Crying, Fluff and Angst, I should have tagged the earlier oops, I think so anyway, I will single handedly make that a tag eventually, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Hopeless Romantic, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Remus and Janus are mentioned, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Writing on Skin, ace-spec characters written by ace author, buckle up its time for...., drinking mention, everyone angst!, everyone has ace/aro identities but idk how relevant they will be, logan's flashcards, no homophobia but there is some referenced polyam-phobia, oops I gave Patton abandonment issues, rated teen mostly because Virgil swears sometimes, why do so many of them have shitty parents ffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overunderachiever/pseuds/overunderachiever
Summary: Patton's soulmates all stopped communicating a few years ago and Patton has been incredibly lonely ever since.So when a new regular at his cafe turns out to be one of his soulmates, he could hardly be blamed for trying to get them all talking again.It would turn out that getting them together would only be the beginning.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Soulmate September 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872199
Comments: 60
Kudos: 192





	1. Reconnecting

**Author's Note:**

> I am more than a little obsessed with LAMP soulmate aus with the writing-on-skin thing so I had to do LAMP for this prompt. Also this is the second time I've written Patton angst centred on him feeling lonely and now I have questions about myself.

Patton smiled as he wrote a good morning message to his soulmates on his arm. None of them would be awake just yet, it was still early, but he always liked to leave them something for when they did. He wasn't as talented as R or V, or as smart as L, so he always tried extra hard to leave cheerful messages for them.

By the time Patton got home from school, his arms were covered in similar messages from his three soulmates. V had painted a beautiful purple dragon on his thigh and R had added a tiny stick figure princess riding it. R had also written the next part of a short story on his arm, and L had written reminders for them all on his wrist and noted down cool things he'd learned that day wherever there was space. Throughout the day, Patton had added encouragement to the others, admiring comments and the occasional doodle. It wasn't really up to the standard of the others but he hoped it made them smile.

One of Patton's favourite rituals the four of them had was the song recommendations they would all leave every evening, one they'd liked listening to that day or maybe an ear worm, and sometimes books or poems too. It helped him feel closer to the others, that he could get to know them better even if they weren't really there with him. He felt more than a little lonely sometimes, being an only child, with few friends, and so much love to give. Just knowing that he had so many soulmates and would one day be able to shower them with all his love made him feel a little better.

\--Many years later--

Patton sighed as he opened up the cafe for the day. He was tied, so very tired. It wasn't that running the cafe and doing all the baking himself was particularly exhausting, he'd gotten very efficient at all that really, he was just emotionally drained.

He'd moved to this town over a year ago, and quickly lost touch with nearly everyone he'd considered a friend. Talking to customers helped a little to combat his social starvation but brief small talk, even the longer conversations with his regulars, just didn't measure up to properly hanging with close friends. Patton just wanted someone to properly talk to.

His sleeve pulled up a little and he quickly tugged it back down, not wanting to be reminded of the blankness of his skin. He wasn't sure what had happened. Over the years his soulmates had written less and less until the only evidence he still had them was the occasional ink stains on his fingers that didn't come from him.

And Patton just couldn't help blaming himself. As the writing had gotten less and less frequent he'd only tried harder to show how much he loved them but it just wasn't enough. Had he been too overbearing and became too much for the others? Or had they stopped caring because he simply wasn't as wonderful or interesting as them?

Whatever the reason, Patton found it easier to ignore these days. The pain of regret and guilt had faded to a dull ache, constantly throbbing in his chest, that he had just gotten used to.

"Hey there! What can I get you today?" Patton chirped in his best customer service voice. The rather emo man on the other side of the counter was a new customer (Patton knew he would have noticed such a darkly clad person before - people in band tees and edgy hoodies tended not to come into cafe/bakeries so heavily focused on cats puns) and he wanted to make a good impression. (It was definitely _not_ because he had amazing cheekbones, and such lovely eyes gazing out from behind his dyed purple bangs, shut up.)

"Uhh just a black coffee please." The emo shrugged.

"You sure you don't want anything sweeter in that?"

"Nah just black like my soul" he joked "besides, you're plenty sweet enough for that." The man leaned over the counter a little, smirking now.

Patton squeaked and ducked behind the coffee machine to hide his blush. Could he really be blamed though? Mr-Tall-Purple-and-Handsome was flirting with him, anyone else would do the same.

"You go sit down, I'll bring that right over to you" he squeaked again from the safety of the coffee machine. The man gave a low chuckle, like warm chocolate Patton thought, and wandered over to a table, pulling out a sketchbook as he went. Patton definitely didn't notice how his back jeans fit just a little too well.

He got to work making the coffee, lamenting the lack of fun things to put in it, and brought it over.

"Here you go- oh that's so cool!" He exclaimed, catching sight of what the man was drawing. It was a pencil sketch of some windswept landscape with clouds that seemed to morph into a city skyline. The sketch was a little more moody than Patton generally liked but it was very cool, the man clearly had a lot of talent. He thought he vaguely recognised the style but he didn't know from where.

"Oh, heh, it's not great but thanks."

"Really, you're too modest."

"Less modest, more self-deprecating."

"Hey! I will physically fight you if you talk bad about yourself!"

"So you're feisty as well as cute!" He gave a lopsided grin that almost had Patton swooning. "But look at it. It's all unbalanced and I cant tell why..."

Patton tried to control his beating heart. "Well I don't know much about art but maybe if you add another tiny cloud there...that might work?"

"Oh yeah! That looks much better! Now who's being self-deprecating? You have a good eye...and very pretty ones too." At this point Patton was struggling to function. "I usually only do a basic sketch for the main painting but this one got a bit out of hand."

"O-ooh you do paintings too?"

"Yeah, mostly watercolours but I mix it up sometimes. I'm not great but yeah, I guess."

"Oh but you are great!" Patton was getting very excited, this was the longest conversation he'd had with anyone in two weeks. "Do you ever paint for your soulmate? I'm sure they'd love that!"

The man stiffened.

Patton suddenly realised his mistake and rushed to apologise. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to assume! Sorry-"

"Nah, that's alright. I was just reminded of some stuff I haven't thought of in a while. You're all good dude."

Patton still felt guilty but at that moment another customer came in and he had to hurry off, but not without yet another quick apology.

\-----

Dinner was eaten, the dishes were washed, and Patton was just heading up the stairs to finally sleep when he felt a hesitant tingle on his thigh. A very familiar sensation but one he hadn't felt in years. He dropped to sit on the stairs, hurriedly rolling up his pant leg before realising it wouldn't go far enough and just taking them off. There, on skin that had been blank for years, was a tiny painted purple cloud, just a doodle.

A tiny cloud with a city skyline rising out of it.

Patton didn't realise he was crying until a tear splashed onto the drawing. The handsome emo from the cafe was V, one of his soulmates...and Patton had basically guilted him into reaching out again.

And more than that, Patton felt awful about how instinctively happy he was about his soulmate maybe, finally wanting to talk to the others, and him, again. Even though he must have stopped for a reason and was probably now doing something he didn't want to do.

The tingling was gone in a minute and for a long time nothing happened, except the tears falling onto his leg. Then, tentatively, a tiny red heart was drawn, followed shortly by a navy blue one. Patton jumped up and fumbled to find a pen, hastily drying his leg so his writing wouldn't get smudged, and then adding his own little heart.

He realised belatedly it was in black instead of his usual light blue, but he hadn't owned colours pens since he moved, when he'd stopped wondering if his soulmates would ever write back again.

And that was it.

There were no lengthy conversations or goodnight wishes. But the sight of a single doodle and three hearts had him gazing at his leg, crying silently, until he fell asleep.

\-----

V was back the next day to drink his black coffee and sketch. The two had a very lengthy conversation about expression through art, with V throwing in the occasional flirtatious comment that never failed to make Patton a blushing mess, before he was called off to another customer. He couldn't help still feeling guilty that he was stalking his soulmate, or taking advantage or something, but V had initiated all the conversation so Patton supposed it wasn't really his fault.

That evening brought another painting, a little more than just a doodle this time, with actual written comments from the others. They weren't anything special, just "stunning" and "you are quite talented" and Patton's few extra hearts, but it was something. And it was so much more than Patton had ever dared hope would happen.

The drawing and writing only increased over the next few weeks until the "comments section" had close to full on conversations. L and R still hadn't initiated anything of their own - no stories or interesting facts - but Patton hoped it wouldn't be long. He missed them so much and the ache of their absence was simultaneously fading and getting harder to ignore every day.

He finally got the emo's name a week later (not that he'd been actively trying to, he would just often come in at quiet times so there was never a reason to take a name for his order).

Virgil.

The matching initials only confirmed what Patton already knew: the handsome, brooding, talented, flirtatious emo, now his most regular and friendly customer, was one of his soulmates.

And he couldn't stop feeling guilty.

\-----

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm just closing up now."

The newcomer faltered in the doorway, face falling. "Oh, never mind. I am sorry I disturbed you."

Patton looked up properly at the positively crestfallen man who was just turning to leave. He looked exhausted, and kind of like he was about to burst into tears. Patton's heart cried out for him.

"Wait! It's alright. I haven't turned the machine off yet so I can still get you a drink. You can have it in too, if you don't mind me clearing up around you."

The man sagged in relief and dragged himself over to the counter, clearly far too tired to care about potential backache from his slouched posture. "Oh that would be wonderful, thank you. Everywhere else is closed at such a late hour."

"It's no problem! What can I get you?" His customer service smile was back.

"I do not often drink caffeinated drinks so I don't really know what to ask for. But I suppose something that will keep me awake for a few more hours, with enough milk and sugar to keep it from tasting vile, would be more than satisfactory." The man seemed to have brightened up a lot at just the thought of caffeine, or the simple act of kindness.

"Okie dokie, I'll see what I rustle up for you!"

The man thanked Patton and slumped down in the nearest chair with a groan, immediately pulling a stack of papers and a red pen out his briefcase. Patton brought the coffee over as quickly as he could and the man took it straight from his hands in his eagerness, immediately taking a sip despite how hot it was and sighing with relief. He thanked Patton again and quickly went to grading papers, working quickly so as not to keep Patton in the cafe any longer than necessary.

At some point Patton brought over the last blueberry muffin, insisting it was on the house, and the man looked at him with so much awe at the simple act of kindness that Patton had to wonder if he genuinely was ok. He was certainly tired and overworked but did he have any friends in his life, or anything to do to relax?

Patton tried to stop fretting and focus on flipping the chairs up onto the tables but that just made him focus on the man himself. With every passing minute, the man sat up a little more primly, expression looking less and less like he was about to keel over. He was certainly very handsome, though in the soft light of the cafe it seemed that beautiful might have been a better descriptor. He was all cheekbones and long precise lines and dark eyes, which clashed oddly with his ruffled hair and tie pulled a little loose. He looked like a usually perfectly put together person who, through a combination of fatigue and stress, had given up looking professional this evening.

With a slight start, Patton realised they had the same glasses but while Patton's own Warby Parkers make him look goofy (read: adorable), they made this man look intelligent and calm. Though maybe that was the tiredness that made him look soft and vulnerable.

As Patton wiped down the counter tops for the last time, he hoped the man's looks weren't the only reason he'd helped him.

The man left soon after, in a much better mood than he had entered, saying he didn't want to impose past 10:30 and the "more than satisfactory" coffee and muffin meant he would be able to continue grading the papers at home. Patton refused to let him pay for the muffin, saying it would go off anyway and he couldn't help wanting to give cake to someone so sweet. At that, the man turned a lovely blush shade, stammered a thank you and garbled compliment, before making a hasty exit.

Patton giggled as he did the last bit of closing up - the nerd really was easy to fluster and it was nice to be on the flirting rather than receiving end after Virgil's never-ending winks earlier that day. As he fumbled with the key to lock up, he noticed ink staining his fingers. Red ink.

Could it be?

No. He mustn't get his hopes up. It was so unlikely that not one but two of his soulmates would visit his cafe.

But no sooner had he thought that, there was a tingle on his wrist.

_Note to self: do not drink strong coffee at 10 o'clock at night, no matter how much work you have, not nor how cute the barista is. This is going to be a major disruption to my circadian rhythm._

Patton just stood and stared. It couldn't be!

Comments were coming in from the other two. R was incredulous that L had never experienced this before, and Virgil was expressing sympathy at pulling an all-nighter. All the while Patton walked home, hardly paying attention to where he was going, the other three had a full on conversation about coffee and being overworked. Patton couldn't bring himself to write more than a laughing face when he got home, and add a goodnight when the others did the same.

His cheeks were wet again when he finally fell asleep.

\-----

Confirmation that the nerd was his second soulmate came a few days later when he came back to the cafe at a busier time and Patton had to ask for his name with his coffee. He was called Logan, and he personally thanked Patton for his kindness, saying he had been in such a good mood afterwards that he had properly reached out to his soulmates again for the first time in years.

It seemed that night he'd been a little out of sorts, for whenever Logan came to the cafe after that he was much more well put together and even a little stiff and formal at times. It gave Patton a lovely warm feeling in his chest whenever he said or did something that made the strait-laced, very handsome man fluster.

Both Logan and Virgil were cafe regulars then, though never there at the same time. Virgil would usually come in at some lull in the day, when there were few customers and Patton could leave the counter for a while to chat with him. Logan came at all hours, though Patton's favourite was when he'd arrive not long before closing time and would keep Patton company as he closed up. Once or twice, Virgil had been leaving just as Logan was entering and it was simultaneously amusing and infuriating to Patton that two of his soulmates came so close to meeting but didn't.

And gradually, some things were starting to go back to how they were when the soulmate quartet was young. Patton still hardly wrote, R never shared any little stories (if he even still wrote them), there were no song recommendations, Logan only occasionally noted down interesting facts, and Virgil's paintings remained little more than doodles. But Patton felt the most cheerful he had in years, though he still cried whenever a conversation went on longer than usual.

He took to wearing gloves so neither his soulmates would see the ink stains on his hands matching their own.

\-----

There was a new regular at the cafe. Roman was classically handsome to the point of being radiant - tall and muscular, perfect hair, flawless makeup, and a brilliant smile that brightened the whole cafe and had Patton (among others) swooning. He flirted with Patton more than Virgil did (and certainly more than Logan's odd awkward attempts) and it never failed to reduce Patton to a blushing mess.

Oh and he was Patton's third soulmate.

At this point, Patton was hardly surprised. He had noticed the ink stains on his hands and writing covering his arms the moment Roman had arrived at the register, gesticulating wildly as he spoke. Patton had almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the three most beautiful men ever to grace his shop also happening to be his soulmates.

He felt like his own looks must bring the group average down significantly. (He was wrong, and any of his soulmates would have said so.)

But flirtatious small talk was as far as their interactions had gone, until one very wet day when the lunchtime rush had been pitiful and by only mid afternoon the cafe was empty. If it weren't for the fact that both Virgil and Logan came by every day no matter the weather, Patton would probably have given up and gone home. But then the door swung open with a flurry of wind and water and Roman trudged in.

And Roman never trudged.

He was utterly soaked, thoroughly miserable, hunched over and shivering a little. It made Patton's heart ache to see his usually so cheerful customer become so dejected.

"Oh dear goodness! Did you get caught in the rain? Here, I'll put your jacket on the radiator, and there's no one here so you can put your shoes there too. You poor thing! Go sit on the sofa, here's a towel for your hair and I'll bring you over a hot chocolate" Patton paused for breath.

"Ah thank you darling, you are an absolute angel!" Roman sighed, making Patton giggle. The man looked kind of adorable with his hair all damp and messy like that.

Patton made sure to put a very generous helping of cream and marshmallows before brining it over. That's when he noticed Roman looked rather more upset than if getting caught in the rain had been the only problem.

"Are you ok Roman?"

The man in question sighed. "I don't know...I haven't been feeling very glittery lately. It's odd because I recently reconnected with...some old friends," Patton tried not to look guilty, "which is wonderful, but I just don't feel as happy as I should.

"I know why, I think. I felt really uninspired with my last few theatre performances and all I want to do is go back to writing but I don't have any motivation because there's no-one to show my writing to who I know really well and would give honest feedback."

Patton felt a great ache in his heart at Roman's words. The stories he used to write had been incredible and all his soulmates had adored them. "Well...what about your friends? I'm sure they would love to read what you write." He ignored the guilt that arose as he suggested it, trying to tell himself that he wasn't being selfish by suggesting this, he was just trying to help Roman.

"I don't know. I used to write for them but what if they don't care anymore?"

"I am 110% sure they will love what you write for them."

"But I don't have any inspiration!" Roman lamented, throwing his hands in the air. "It has to be truly original or there's no point."

"Nonsense! You mustn't put yourself down so much. And trying to make something completely original is really hard, maybe try something simpler to start with, if you haven't written in a while."

"Like what?"

"Well take something that already exists and put your own spin on it!" For all the confidence in Patton's words, he sure as hell didn't know what he was talking about.

"What like fan fiction? Or...or...a fairytale with a twist..."

"Like one with two princes!"

Roman gasped. "That's it! And that bit wouldn't be revealed until right near the end! Oh this is wonderful, I already have three solid ideas and a whole bunch more on the way! Thank you Patton! Thank you, you wonderful, beautiful human!" He grabbed some paper and a pen from his bag, immediately noting stuff down.

Patton was a little dazed by the speed at which Roman had gone from miserable to ecstatic but he smiled anyway, moving back over to the counter to wait out the rain.

\-----

It was the best part of a week before Roman sent his story. A week of admiring Virgil's paintings and talking about art, of listening to Logan talk excitedly about what he was teaching his students while closing up the cafe, of supplying all three of his soulmates with warm drinks, muffins and cookies while they worked, of being flirted with, and occasionally trying to flirt back, of helping them all through various dilemmas, and of staring at his skin until his fell asleep. A week of trying to work up the courage to write an inspirational quote on his skin, to start just one conversation.

He was starting to worry that Roman didn't want to share his story when he woke up one morning to the few opening paragraphs of a fairytale on his right arm. Roman must have woken up especially early to get it all written before any of the other soulmates woke up. It was a wonderful beginning to a story - fascinating enough to make Patton want to read more but not overly sensationalist, despite Roman's dramatic personality.

Then Patton saw the dedication at the bottom.

"Credit to Patton at Patty Cake's Cafe who helped think of the idea." Patton was sure he didn't deserve such credit - he hadn't done anything really - but it made his heart flutter all the same.

There was a tingling in his arm and Virgil was writing, in his usual purple pen: _Wow R this is so cool! I havent read such a good opener in ages. Also I know that Patton guy! I go to his cafe all the time._ Then Logan was adding: _Agreed. You really do have talent R. The use of an omniscient narrator is a very interesting but intriguing choice. Also, I too am a frequent customer of that cafe. Perhaps we have already crossed paths?_

_Really?!? That's marvellous, we could all meet up!!! (Oh and thank you all so much for your kind words, I shall have then next piece ready for tomorrow.)_

_Thatd be cool. Hey P you ok with that? Your a bit quiet there dude_

Patton was honestly surprised they remembered he was there, or thought they needed his permission to meet each other.

_Oh that's so great you can meet! I don't mind if you'd like to. Also R your story is amazing! I'm so excited to read more._

He added a heart for good measure. None of that had been a lie. If it would make them happy to meet up then he wouldn't want to stand in their way.

It was only then he realised it was _his_ cafe they would all be meeting at, and he would be watching while they got to know each other and fell in love and moved on without him and-

No!

He mustn't think like that.

If they found enough happiness in each other then it would be selfish for him to intrude.

It was then that Patton had an idea. He was going to make his soulmate's first meeting as special as possible. He would make sure he had all their favourite food, their coffee made as well as possible, and the cafe looking extra cosy.

But one of the most important things was a the background music. If he got that right then they were all sure to have a lovely time.

If he couldn't really be part of their love story then he would at least make it as wonderful as possible.

Unfortunately, Patton couldn't really remember his soulmates' music tastes anymore, and they might have changed by now anyway, which meant he had to start up the song recommendations again. And he would have to be sneaky. From the arrangements his soulmates were making, Patton could tell he would have the best part of a week to put his plan into action. He still wasn't entirely sure how ethical his actions were but the argument of "its for them" was winning out.

By that evening, Patton was armed and ready with the first light blue pen he had owned in a very long time. He took a deep breath and wrote

_I've had Walking on Sunshine stuck in my head all day. It's great to sing along to but I'm almost sick of it at this point._

It wasn't a lie, Patton would have hated to do that even if it was harmless, but he just didn't mention that he'd been listening to the song on repeat until it really did get stuck.

Patton didn't have long to wait to know if it had worked, for very soon Roman was replying with the show tunes he'd listened to that day, and saying why he loved each one. Virgil was immediately gently insulting Roman's music tastes and saying which emo band he'd been listening to, then Logan was discussing the lack of studies done on ear worms before getting distracted and adding his own song recommendations.

Patton quickly noted down everything they had said and then jumped back into the conversation about music genres. He felt so happy and so full of love for his soulmates: Roman was so extra and passionate, Virgil was so sassy and it was kind of adorable how he tried so hard to act cool, Logan was so dedicated and curious about the world. They were incredible and talented and amazing, and so goddamn handsome!

Oh, he had it _bad_.

How could he be falling in love with these three men already? How did his feelings slip from platonic affection to romantic without him realising? He barely knew them but at the same time he had known them all his life and it only took a few weeks of talking to them out loud for him to know he would do absolutely anything for them.

And currently doing anything for them meant focussing on this plan. That was all he could do.

This pattern of sharing favourite songs and discussing them for hours afterwards every evening was far more successful than Patton had dared hope. Roman's morning stories, Logan's rants whenever he felt like it, Virgil's little paintings in the afternoon, and now sharing their favourite music. Every day the writing on his skin got closer and closer to how it had once been when they were young, when brightly coloured words on skin was all that kept Patton smiling (though now he seemed to be able to notice the enjoyment in so many other aspect of his life too).

He listened to all the songs and bands they mentioned and began compiling a playlist of them. It wasn't something he had any natural talent in, but he'd been making the playlists for his cafe for a long time so he'd had plenty of practice. By the day of the meet up, Patton had the music ready, and also a backup of songs he thought they might enjoy if the first one ran out. He'd spruced up the cafe too, and baked all their favourite goodies, determined his soulmates would have the perfect first meeting.

All this productivity was doing wonders to help him ignore the undercurrent of melancholy.

\-----

Logan was the first to arrive. He walked through the doors precisely three minutes early, ordered his coffee and blueberry muffin and sat down at a small table in the corner right on time. Patton was rather disappointed it was so busy - he had wanted to be able to chat with his soulmates beforehand to see how excited they were, but no such luck.

Just as Logan, was sitting down, Virgil hurried in, ordering and sitting down...at a different table to Logan. Before Patton had any time to work out how to fix it, Roman sauntered in, looking around expectantly and then a little disappointed when no one paid him any attention. Neither Virgil nor Logan even glanced up when he entered and Roman went to sit at yet another table.

Patton could have screamed in frustration.

The there came a tingle in his arm and a red pen was writing _I'm at the cafe but it's very busy and some ass is at a table for three on his own so there isn't anywhere for us all to sit._

Patton was well aware that the ass in question was Logan.

_yeah im here to_

_As am I._ L also fixed the gramma on V's sentence.

_Well how do we find each other then? It's so full!_

_I think looking for young men sitting on their own would be a good start._

At this point Patton got fed up. He grabbed his pen and, using his reflection in the coffee machine, drew three pale blue hearts on his cheek bone. Three hands raised to touch the tingling sensation on their cheeks, three heads swivelled around looking for the others with ink on their face, three pairs of eyes met across a crowded room, one more watched them excitedly. Two men got up to join the other in the corner, Roman presumably apologising for calling him an ass. Patton changed the music to the special playlist and watched as they introduced themselves and quickly fell into conversation.

There was an odd ache in his heart, sort of bittersweet, that only tugged more when they each wrote a quick thank you to P.

The day wore on. The post-work rush died down until only the three soulmates in the corner remained, talking animatedly or sometimes just gazing at each other, existing together for a while before the conversation picked up again. They had long finished their drinks but none of them seemed to have noticed to get up to order more. Patton hardly cared, he just gazed lovesickly at the three wonderful, beautiful, amazing men who looked all the more incredible together.

He ignored the persistent thought that they were perfectly happy without him.

\-----

Patton may not have worried so much if he had actually been able to hear what was going on, on the other side of the room.

The three soulmates had reached a slight lull in the conversation, one which had not seemed to flow quite so well as it should have. None of the three men mentioned it but they had all noticed. Something was missing and they all knew exactly what, or who, it was.

The last few bars of Comfortably Numb gave way to I'm Not Ok (I Promise) when Logan spoke up.

"I seem to be experiencing larger amounts of Deja Vu with this music than is common. Not that I am complaining, it is making for a very pleasant experience, it is just abnormal."

Virgil hummed in agreement. "Yeah a lot of these emo songs are ones I listened to recently."

"And I've noticed a fair amount more show tunes than normal today, not that I'm complaining."

Logan looked over at the counter where the cute barista was trying very hard to look busy.

"What's the matter? You've got your thinking face on there L."

"We have only just met. How do you know what my thinking face-"

"The emo's right."

"I see. Well, obviously I was thinking. I have a hypothesis I wish to test."

Logan pushed up his sleeve to find the most recent piece of light blue writing, then looked at his name written on the coffee cup.

"What you looking at?" Virgil asked, inspecting his own cup.

"That handwriting...it's awfully similar..." Roman muttered.

"Don't look now," Virgil said quietly, "but Patton appears to have something blue on his cheek."

The others tried to surreptitiously look over but the man moved out of sight.

"Right, then I believe there is only one thing for it..."

\-----

Patton squeaked and hid behind the coffee machine when he saw Logan get up and head for the counter. He hurriedly tried to remove the blue hearts on his face, kicking himself for being so stupid. Of course this would happen! Why did he think he could get away with hiding from them with bright blue hearts on his face? They couldn't find out who he was now! God they'd think he was so creepy knowing all along and getting their music preferences and setting them up and then they'd never come back to his cafe or write again and he'd be all alone and-

Patton gave up trying to get the ink off and just pretended to be fiddling with the coffee machine, hoping that would be enough for him to hide.

"Hello again Patton."

Said man's breath caught in his throat at Logan's greeting. He was caught he was caught he was caught he was-

"I just wanted to inform you that you appear to have blue ink on your cheek." He spoke softly. Knowingly. The understanding tone calmed Patton a little.

He shuffled out from behind the coffee machine, guiltily, heart pounding, but froze when he saw the others had come over too. They were all giving him the strangest looks: varying amounts of confusion and concern and something soft that Patton couldn't read.

But there was no anger. No disgust. No disappointment, annoyance or boredom.

"How long have you known?" Roman asked quietly.

"I-" Patton faltered "I worked each of you out the days you each came here for the first time. V-Virgil from the doodle that was similar to his painting, Logan got ink on his hands from marking papers, and Roman wears short sleeves so I could see our writing..." the words had come out far steadier than he felt, but he found himself trailing off.

"But why didn't you say something? All this time I haven't been showering you with nearly as much affection as I could!"

"Patton you must have heard of the negative effects it can have on one's mental health to keep away from one's soulmates like that."

Patton didn't know what to say

"I think I get it." Virgil spoke up. "Were you scared?"

"A little. Not really though..."

"Worried we wouldn't like you, or you aren't good enough for us then?"

Patton gave a small nod. "How do you know?"

"I often feel the same, I think we all do. I got really close to a panic attack this morning cause I was scared I'd screw up."

"I-" Roman took a breath. "I practiced my entrance and introduction over and over until I was sure you wouldn't all think me a fraud."

"I use flash cards to learn contemporary slang so I do not appear to be an idiot in front of others" added Logan, flushing.

Patton giggled at that one and realised his eyes were a little wet, Roman's seemed to be too. "But all of you guys are so amazing and talented and beautiful and I'm just...well I'm just a let down compared to you."

"Pat, that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day. You helped us all so much. You're the one that encouraged us to start talking to each other again - stopped us all being so miserable - cause that's just how great you are."

"Indeed. You crafted a more than satisfactory playlist for just this afternoon, all because you care so much for three people you have not known for very long."

"And don't think I didn't notice you baked all our favourite things! Patton, darling, you are so amazing and beautiful and sweet and kind and we all care so much about you too! That's if you'll have us, of course."

"Yeah, honestly, I'm so damn glad it's you. I wasn't exaggerating when I called you cute."

"I second that sentiment."

"As do I!"

Patton was sniffling in earnest by the time others had finished speaking, trying to work out what he must have done to deserve such wonderful men as soulmates. It was difficult to believe what they said but he hoped he would one day. And as he gazed at the three men he was sure he was falling for already, Patton dared hope they might love him the same one day.

For what felt like the first time in his life, Patton smiled. A real smile. One that burst across his face like dawn, making three hearts flutter something awful, and three men think themselves the luckiest people to be able to witness it.

The pang of loneliness, that Patton had never known a life without, finally, finally eased.

Patton took a steadying breath. "Okay.".

It wasn't really ok, not yet at least. They were all imperfect and fragile, with their own demons to fight, and it would take a lot of time and effort to make this work, whatever _this_ was. But Patton was damned if he wasn't going to try his hardest, and he could tell from the faces of his soulmates that they would too.

~~*~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanna continue this with the four of them falling in love and navigating their relationship, and actually address why they all stopped writing. I wont have time until at least after September but if you'd like to see more then lmk and I'll carry it on if I can.


	2. The First Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four soulmates sit down to discuss their relationship and boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got so close to the Talking About Our Issues that it was meant to be and then I got an idea and it derailed into fluff. At this point I'm pretty sure this story is going to end up quite long because I'm not very good at sticking to a plan.
> 
> Warnings: this is all Patton's POV so slightly unreliable narrator I guess, some swearing, mention of someone being slightly drunk
> 
> Also apologies for any random British words in here. Some of it's accidental, some of it's because I didn't want to use the American word. I hope it doesn't get annoying.

All afternoon, Patton served customers and watched his soulmates chat from across the cafe. The others had said they wanted to hang around so they could all be together properly for a while, and for the first time in his life Patton couldn't wait for the last customer to leave.

He tried very hard not to let the feeling of being left out return, as he watched them talk and laugh more and more freely while the hours ticked by, but it was nigh on impossible.

For years, Patton had a hold on his emotions, keeping them locked up and out of the way by focussing on other things. But one moment of letting his guard down and allowing hope to flood back had made that so much harder. Barely a few hours since he'd admitted to being their soulmates and he was already regretting it.

They were so happy together, was Patton capable of that anymore?

He didn't notice the way the conversation was stilted. He didn't notice the longing glances the other three sent his way every other minute. He didn't hear how many times they each held off from talking too much about themselves, not wanting to leave him out of things.

Between the constant flow of customers and the thoughts that circled round his head, blaming himself for five years of silence, how could he?

The last customer left five minutes before closing time. For all of thirty seconds, Patton wondered whether closing up early would seem too needy before Roman was out of his chair and flipping the sign on the door to closed, bringing the A-board inside in the process.

He grinned at Patton's surprised expression.

"What? I don't want to wait another minute to get to talk to you properly!"

"Aw kiddo!" Patton internally winced at his own tone. His customer service voice.

Truth be told, he couldn't really remember how he used to act around people he knew, it had been so long since- "I still have to clear up but you don't have to wait around for me, I'll be able to join in just fine!"

To his own ears, his voice sounded too falsely chipper, though he doubted the others would notice.

Logan frowned a little, looking slightly confused in an adorable way. "Patton, it would be completely irrational to have any important relationship discussions with a quarter of our group indisposed."

"Yeah Pat. Just tell us what to do, we'll help you clear up."

"O-oh." Why were they going out of their way to be so nice to him? No one ever did that. "You really don't have to! I don't mind-"

"Nonsense!" Roman stopped wrestling with the A-board to put it away and looked up. "Of course we don't _have_ to help, but we want to. Now how does one work this blasted thing-ah!"

It seemed Roman had found the catch for the A-board for it suddenly collapsed shut in his hands.

"Oh goodness are you okay?" Patton rushed over to him. What if he was hurt? Would he be angry? Would-

"I'm fine darling, really," Roman reached out a hand to gently cup Patton's cheek, "you mustn't fret so."

Patton's heart was threatening to beat out of his chest at the touch. It sent little shivers all through him. When was the last time someone touched him?

"Indeed. Right, would it be helpful if I were to put the chairs onto the tables now, or do you need to wipe them down first?"

"N-no I cleaned them as I went..."

"Excellent."

"You got any washing up you need doing?" Virgil asked.

"Oh I couldn't ask you to do that!" Patton tried to protest but Virgil just took that as a yes and disappeared into the kitchen with an "on it" as he went.

"And I shall start sweeping!"

"Oh really Roman I can-"

"If it was good enough for Cinderella, its good enough for me. Besides," he tucked a strand of hair behind Patton's ear, making his brain short circuit, "a prince must be chivalrous for his prince."

With a wink, Roman waltzed off to grab the broom and Patton, in a slight daze, wandered over to switch off the coffee machine. His soulmates were making quick work of tidying up, and if Patton didn't know better he would have said they seemed eager to get done quickly so they could talk to him.

But Patton did know better. The three of them were far too kind to leave Patton to do all the cleaning himself, and they wanted to be done so they could get back to their previous conversation. With each other.

Not him.

He told himself he had to stop being so self-centred and focussed on clearing away the remaining cakes from the counter.

The saying "many hands make light work" proved true, and the cafe was cleared up in no time at all. They turned all the main lights off, leaving only the lamps around the sofas in the back corner switched on, bathing the area in a gentle golden glow.

It looked positively romantic.

Roman kept readjusting the lights, the cushions, fiddling with the radiator, until Logan just grabbed his arm and pulled him down onto the sofa next to him.

"Everything is more than satisfactory, please sit down."

"But it has to be perfect!" Roman protested, trying to get up again.

"Princey, if you don't stay put I swear I will sit on you." Virgil threatened jokingly, plopping down into the seat opposite him.

Roman made some very offended noises and almost tired to get up again before Patton intervened.

"It really is lovely Roman, you don't need to worry so much."

"Says you!"

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Virgil, I do not believe you have a metaphorical leg to stand on when it comes to worrying, either."

Now it was Virgil's turn to act offended and Patton felt his heart sink a little. They already knew each other, and got on so well without him. They didn't really need him.

Had he only been included in this soul bond to make sure their own love story went smoothly?

What that it?

Patton pulled himself out of his head again to sit down and listen to what Logan was saying.

"Now, I believe the main purpose of this conversation is to discus how we wish to proceed with our relationship. Does anyone have any particularly major boundaries they would like to discus first?"

_I'm ace._

Patton almost said it out-loud, but then had the sudden thought that it might come off as presumptuous, and bit his tongue. They barely knew each other! He mustn't assume they would even want that sort of relationship with him.

When no-one else spoke, Patton was relieved he hadn't said anything. He didn't to be the only one being difficult.

"In that case, may I propose that we keep this relationship platonic at first? I am open to being romantic with all of you but I do not wish to rush into anything."

"Yeah, I'd prefer that too actually. I- yeah..." Virgil trailed off like he had been about to elaborate onsomething but thought better of it.

Roman had a strange look on his face, gaze resting firmly on his hands. "How strictly platonic do you mean? Should I...would you prefer if I stopped with the flirting?"

A light blush appeared on Logan's cheeks. "I did not say romantic advances would be unwelcome...I am just not comfortable kissing and/or dating this early on."

"I just want to keep this as low stakes as possible until I've made sure I'm not gonna screw up somehow," Virgil shrugged, "its nothing personal."

Roman seemed relieved with that answer, nodding and sitting up a little straighter (ha).

Suddenly, Patton realised they were all looking at him questioningly. Were they seeking his input on this? He hadn't raised any objections so why...?

Oh, this was another opportunity for him to say his own boundaries. He should just be honest and say it.

_I'm ace._

But he didn't even _want_ to say it. Worries about whether it was presumptuous aside, he just didn't know these men well enough to be comfortable saying it. Well, if it really came to it, he supposed he could tell them some other time.

"I'm perfectly happy to go at your paces! I really don't mind!" The whole sentence came out awkwardly, his tone sounding _off_ , but he felt better for not telling the whole truth. He hoped the others hadn't noticed.

Barely a few hours into knowing them and he was already lying.

Truly, he was happy to have whatever relationship the others wanted, at whatever pace - he didn't want to make them uncomfortable after all. But there was a small (read: very large) part of him that would have been far happier to rush into things head first, to stop holding back, to let himself fall in love with them in one go, to shower them with the affection they deserved.

Logan, so smart and curious. Roman, dramatic and talented. Virgil all sarcasm and gentle smiles. Each one of them so different and yet so equally wonderful.

And Patton always was lead by his heart.

Sure, he wasn't _in_ love with them just yet, and maybe he wasn't even ready to do more than just hold hands, but he knew for certain he would fall sooner rather than later. It was a bit like watching a car crash and being able to slow down time only to delay the inevitable, not prevent it. Or standing on the edge of a cliff, about to tip over, waving your arms to try to stop the inevitable descent, even though it's futile.

He didn't know what he'd do if they never loved him back like that.

With a start, Patton realised they were all looking at him again.

"Oh sorry, I totally zoned out there for a second!"

"Yeah we saw, darling."

Patton felt a jolt of panic. Did they think he wasn't interested in getting to know them?

"You okay there Pat?"

"Heh yeah, sorry what were you saying?"

"I was proposing the next item in our agenda for this evening should be to properly introduce ourselves," Logan explained. "I realise it may have made more sense to have done that first..."

He trailed off and everyone looked at everyone else expectantly. No-one seemed to want to volunteer information, which sort of made sense. The other three probably didn't have anything much new to say to one another.

"Well..." he started hesitantly, seeing the others all look slightly relieved someone had broken the silence, "you know I'm Patton, I own this place, I do all the baking and stuff-"

"You do it all? On your own?" Roman gasped. "Does that not get lonely?"

"Sounds kinda stressful."

"Indeed. I had assumed you must have someone to help out in the kitchen, or on busier days. It does not sound very efficient."

Patton was glad for Logan's comment. He would not have liked to address what Roman said.

"Oh its fine! I do all the baking in the morning and most of what I need is out the front so I don't have to run back to the kitchen for it. Sure, it gets a bit hectic in busy times, but its nothing I can't handle." He punctuated his words with a grin, hoping to just move on.

"Well if you say so..." Roman seemed doubtful.

"And I've been running it for two years so I've got the hang of it now."

"Two years?" Virgil interrupted, "wait, how old are you?"

"Twenty. I moved here and opened this cafe when I was eighteen." Then he realised the others' surprise. "Yeah, I uh didn't go to college..." God, they must think he was so stupid!

"Well thats quite alright Patton," Logan said, tone surprisingly gentle, "Not everyone is suited to that sort of education, its a very narrow-minded system, and I'd say you are objectively the most successful of all of us."

"Logan you're like, really smart, why do you dislike the education system?" Virgil asked

"Yeah pocket protector, I thought you were training to be a teacher?"

"Just because I succeeded in the education system does not mean I think it is objectively good. I hope I will be able to use better teaching methods to give more people a chance."

"It's more that my parents just didn't think I was worth the money."

Everyone turned to look at Patton.

Oh no.

He didn't think they'd hear that.

He realised he was shrinking in on himself and made an effort to sit up straighter again.

"Anyway!" he said with forced brightness, "I knew you were studying to be a teacher but what subject are you teaching, Logan?"

"Pat..."

They were all still looking at him worriedly.

"Patton darling, please don't brush that off like its nothing." Roman was looking at him with so much concern it threatened to take his breath away. "We barely know each other so I'll understand if you're hesitant to talk about it, but if you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on, we are all here for you, okay?"

Patton couldn't speak. His throat was tight, his mouth was dry, his eyes stung. He didn't remember anyone ever actually saying that to him, let alone making good on their promise. It was all he could do to nod and shoot Roman a smile that felt like a far cry from his bright grins. It was small and sad.

_We're here for you._

If only they actually wanted to be.

"I may not be the best at giving advice, but I will certainly always make time whenever any of you need me," Logan said, looking around at them all, Roman nodding along with him.

"Yeah same. I mean, I'm not the most comforting person but I can try," Virgil added.

Patton managed to find his voice again. "And I'll always be there for you whenever you kiddos need me too," he chirped, not quite back to his usual cheerfulness but pretty close.

There was a slight pause. The silence didn't feel so awkward now, just calm and contemplative. Then...

"Pat we're all older than you!"

Patton giggled at Virgil's mock confusion, a real, natural laugh for once.

(In that moment, Logan, Virgil and Roman all thought the exact same thing: it was the loveliest sound they had ever heard.)

"Oh I call everyone kiddo! But Roman, I thought you were in your last year of college, and you said your birthday's in June so you must be younger than me!"

"I took a gap year so I'm actually twenty one. Don't you remember the time I came in here tipsy after a show?"

"You were drunk? I thought you were just extra excitable that day!"

"Patton, sweetheart, I tried to climb on a table to sing I Can Go The Distance-"

"That was YOU?!?"

Patton blinked, glancing between Logan and Virgil who'd both just spoken and were now looking at each other in surprise.

"Oh goodness!" Patton burst out laughing. (Real. Genuine.) "I'd forgotten one day you were all here at the same time! It was so frustrating! I kept getting distracted trying to see if the other two were looking at you-"

"-but I was already leaving-" Logan interjected,

"-and I walked in, took one look at the crowd of theatre kids, decided _fuck that_ and left."

"Virgil, I believe I held the door open for you on our way out."

"Oh my god you did!"

By this point Patton was a mess of giggles at the memory of Roman, who in hindsight was obviously drunk, trying to sing one song while another played in the background, getting the tune muddled, and pretending to sword fight with his co-star from the show. Roman was fanning his hands in front of his face to try and calm himself down, Virgil was failing spectacularly to control his grin, and Logan had rueful smile, and a soft look in his eye.

"The irony is quite astonishing, that was almost a month ago."

"What a shame that it wasn't my insatiable love for Disney that brought us together."

"Nope! It was Patton all the way!" Virgil slumped against Patton's shoulder as he spoke, making Patton tense up for a second at the contact he hadn't felt the likes of in years.

"Is this okay?" Virgil asked, looking up at Patton but not moving just yet. The angle meant he was gazing through his eyelashes and Patton thought he might combust at how beautiful he was.

"Yep!" was all he was able to squeak.

Virgil leaned in further, one arm wrapping around the back of his waist, and Patton found himself sighing. He was so warm. And so real.

It wasn't a proper hug, but it was the first thing like it Patton had since he left home. And it was _wonderful_.

Opposite them, Roman had thrown an arm across the back of the sofa, behind Logan, like that cinema-date cliche, and Logan hesitantly lent his head onto Roman's shoulder, encouraging the other to drop his arm onto his own shoulder and pull him in a little further.

Patton reached up to card his fingers through Virgil's hair, gazing at his other two soulmates as Longan entwined his fingers with Roman's, and they both gazed back.

In the dim golden light of the lamps, in their little corner of the cafe, it almost seemed too intimate for four men who'd only met that day, and were supposed to be taking it slow, but they were all thinking the same thing - this felt...right.

~~*~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As evidenced by the writing process of this chapter, I am not very good at sticking to plans. So even though I have one, how long it takes to get there and what happens on the way will be probably more of a surprise to me than anyone else lol
> 
> Btw let me know if its confusing who is talking at which points. When I'm writing I have a clear voice in my head for how they each speak so I can't tell if its ambiguous or not.
> 
> Well it took me a hot second but I hope you liked this chapter!


	3. Blame Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another week passes, the four meet up again, and a few things come to light.
> 
> This continues immediately on from the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while, I started writing about them decorating for halloween and then realised it wasn't relevant to the plot and started over, and also life kinda got in the way.
> 
> Warning: Unhealthy coping mechanisms - basically Patton deliberately exhausts himself to avoid thinking about his problems. I don't know if that counts as unconventional self-harm or not but please be careful anyway.

The conversation stayed light for the rest of the evening, mostly just small talk to get to know each other.

Logan had lived in this town all his life, and was still living at his family home at his parents' insistence. He was at college training to teach biology, chemistry _and_ physics - that being the only compromise on his profession his parents would accept. Patton found it odd that Logan was bound so much to what his parents wanted him to do, but he didn't want to sound like he was criticising him, so he didn't comment.

Virgil didn't discus his background in much detail, saying only that he worked as a concept artist, mostly for animated films, and also did art commissions. When Roman asked, he said he'd moved from out of town to an apartment near Patton's cafe a few months back because the rent was cheaper. It didn't sound like the whole truth but, again, Patton didn't want to push it.

Roman, as Patton knew, was in his last year of the college’s theatre school, already securing lead roles in the performances there, and supporting roles in the larger theatre a few blocks from Patton's cafe. In fact, both the college and Roman's dorm were across the other side of town so it was only due to his first role at that theatre which meant Roman ever found Patton's cafe.

As Roman had won the audition with a Disney song, he declared it was justified to say his "insatiable love of Disney" was at least one of the minor causes of the four meeting. Virgil objected loudly, saying that meant anything could be a factor, including less positive things (though he didn't elaborate on what those could be). Logan started to explain the butterfly effect, his eyes lighting up for a moment, but quickly cut himself off, apologising for rambling. Patton tried to reassure him they would all love to hear what he had to say but Logan insisted it was boring and changed the subject.

They talked about the town, and about various awful people they each had to work with at one time or other, and about how lovely the fall leaves were. Logan dodged questions about his family. Virgil never spoke of anything further back than a few months ago. Roman smiled and flirted and just asked questions. Patton didn't say how silent his apartment was, or how he hadn't made a single friend in this town before meeting his soulmates, or that he hadn't rung home in over a year.

Or that his parents never called him.

The conversation flowed, full of laughter, and jokes, and stories, but there were barriers at every turn. Patton could feel it, and wondered if the others could too. There was boundary, after boundary no-one wanted to cross, and Patton didn't know why.

No-one mentioned the four years of radio-silence. They never even came close.

Eventually, the conversation began to wind down, Patton sinking gradually further into Virgil's side as he stopped freaking out over being held.

It was getting on for midnight when Roman suddenly chuckled, pointing at Logan who'd dozed off on his shoulder. The movement woke him up, though, and everyone quickly agreed they should probably be heading home.

Well, Patton would've been more than happy to have fallen asleep there, with his soulmates around him, but he didn't say so, not even to joke. He didn't want them to think he was clingy, especially as that was probably the reason they all stopped writing.

They waited with him while he finished shutting up, and locked the door, before they finally parted ways, and Patton felt the resulting silence like a lead weight bearing down on him. He'd barely known them for half a day! How could he miss them so much now they were gone?

The feeling didn't last long - as soon as he was home, the goodnight messages started flooding in on his arms. He barely had enough energy to draw a little sleepy face and three hearts before he passed out, fully clothed, on the bed.

It was the easiest and deepest he'd slept in...well, ever.

\-----

They managed to forget to exchange numbers, and no-one thought to ask, so their next meeting was organised via writing too. Between cafes, and classes, and shows, and Virgil's strange sleep schedule, the only time they could all actually be together again was Sunday after closing time, another whole week away.

Patton didn't mind this so much - he would still see them throughout the week - but he could hardly wait for them to all be together again. It felt almost wrong to be apart from any of them now they'd been all together once.

Not that being without them had felt _wrong_ before - in those years he just felt lonely, and when they all started frequenting his cafe the loneliness was replaced with an intense longing. Now, Patton just felt like he was being constantly, and irresistibly, drawn back to them, like he just _knew_ they couldn't be kept apart.

It reassured him.

And it terrified him.

But the feelings of guilt for how he should have been better for them, and apprehension at whether he would hurt them by just being himself, could easily be pushed aside. If he just worked himself a little harder, all that could be left in the back of his mind and not addressed until...well at all.

He threw himself into making new recipes for the cafe. Baking was always how he’d kept his wayward emotions in check - it was easier not to cry when he had to carefully pipe icing onto cupcakes, and beating ingredients together did wonders for stress relief. He stayed late at the cafe every night that week, and came in extra early each morning, just so he wouldn't have a free moment.

It was a longer time of deliberate exhaustion than he'd ever done before, but he'd be okay.

Even if he was a little more emotional when tired, it was necessary to keep himself from wondering whether this meet-up would be the last.

So Patton expanded the cafe menu with extra specials for the week; and wrote to his soulmates as often as they seemed to want (which was quite a lot); and gushed to them about the new recipes he'd made; and read the pieces of Roman's next story (an apocalypse setting with an aromantic main character); and saw all Virgil’s beautiful doodles and paintings (mostly fall themed); and read Logan’s ranting about the rampant plagiarism in the essays he was marking for one of the professors; and he baked and cooked and tasted and baked some more.

Every muscle ached, but his mind hardly ever strayed to selfish thoughts like whether his soulmates liked him, or why he wasn't good enough for them the first time, so it was worth it.

Probably.

\-----

Sunday rolled around at long last.

Patton had gone to bed earlier the previous night in an attempt to regain some energy, but it didn't really help. He felt frazzled and a little out of everything, so it was no wonder the day passed by in a blur until Logan walked in that evening.

It was a few hours before closing time but Logan said he'd had trouble concentrating on his work at home, so came to the cafe early.

The very presence of Logan in the room managed to wake Patton up enough to feel a spark of happiness at seeing him and knowing the others would be there soon. He also noticed Logan looked rather stressed too, when he entered, though perked up too quickly for Patton to be able to work out what was getting him down (not that he should be so nosy anyway).

Roman and Virgil arrived within minutes of each other a while later, the former greeting the latter by saying he looked like he'd just woken up (though winking flirtatiously at the same time), which got him a cutting remark about his jacket and jeans not going together.

Patton tensed up, dreading an argument, but Roman simply laughed in that boisterous way of his and nothing came of it. Patton wasn't sure why he'd been so worried; maybe he was a little _too_ tired.

He watched his three soulmates converge on the couches in the corner, then Patton had to hurry back to the kitchen to reload the dishwasher...and just like that he was back in work mode, all joy at seeing his soulmates together again fading into the background of his thoughts.

\-----

Virgil was worried. This was nothing new, what _was_ new was the cause of his worry. The way Patton was darting round the cafe, it...didn't sit right with him.

"Virgil? Roman?"

Out the corner of his eye, Virgil saw Roman jump at the sound of Logan's voice, and Virgil let out a grunt to show he was listening, but neither of them turned around, far too focussed on their fourth soulmate, across the cafe.

"I take it you two are both worried about the same thing as I am."

"Yeah...Patton looks rather stressed...or maybe upset..." Roman murmured, watching the baker/barista bustle out the kitchen with a stack of plates too high to be safe.

"Uh huh. You noticed there was more on the menu this week, right?"

"I did. It's odd..."

"Indeed. The only conclusion I can come to is that the expanded menu has left him overworked, but it doesn't make sense that he would suddenly do something like that, given he has been running this cafe for two years now."

"Do you suppose he's okay?" Roman asked, turning away from Patton and glancing between Logan and Virgil searchingly, almost desperate for an answer.

Logan shook his head slowly and Virgil chewed his lip, frowning. "I don't think so. And I bet if we ask, he'll say he's fine."

\-----

Patton flopped down on the couch next to Roman, trying not to sigh at finally giving his feet a break. His soulmates had all gotten up to help him the moment the cafe closed and Patton had barely protested. It was selfish of him to use them like that but he was just so tired.

"Hey, Pat, you doing alright there?"

Patton looked up at Virgil opposite him and gave a smile that was probably fooling no-one. "Yep, I'm fine. Just a little tired is all."

"Are you sure Patton?" Roman asked, laying a hand on his shoulder, and Patton had a hard time not sighing at the contact. "I wouldn't want for us to be exhausting you darling."

"Oh you aren't! The week was a little hectic but its much better now you're all here!" The words slipped out without his permission and Patton hoped the others would take it as a compliment and not a sign he was being needy. _God_ he hoped they didn't think he was being needy.

"That may be the case Patton, but I suggest we do not stay here very late." Logan looked a little disapproving. "You should probably be getting more sleep."

"I'll be sure to do that." The others seemed to relax at his words and Patton quickly changed the subject onto how the others were doing.

He was fine.

Really.

The conversation meandered around for a while, no-one talking about anything particularly interesting, and Patton just couldn't find it in himself to keep it going. He was more quiet than usual, he knew, but he had a headache coming on and his mind kept drifting to thoughts of blank skin and silent days and loneliness, and he couldn't bring himself to care.

Eventually the conversation petered out completely. Virgil was looking at his phone and Logan was eyeing his paperwork. Patton's head was barely in the room, aware only that he was leaning slightly into Roman's side and was falling asleep.

"You know, its a little strange really," came a voice from beside him, making Patton jump. Roman was staring at his ink-covered arms, and his voice sounded far away. "I thought I got used to my skin being blank in those four years, but I got used to this much faster. I'm not sure why I let us fall silent."

"It wasn't your fault, Ro. I'm more to blame." Virgil sounded resigned, pulling at a thread on the cuff of his hoodie, and drawing himself inwards. He looked almost...like he was waiting to be reprimanded.

Patton opened his mouth to protest, very awake now, but Logan's voice cut him off. "You are both misinterpreting events here, I too am to blame for my negligence."

Then they were all talking at once.

"Hey! No way-"

"I can assure you I-"

"We are all-"

Patton looked from one to the other, panicked. Why did they all blame themselves? They weren't at fault at all! Even if they each _had_ knowingly withdrawn, wasn't Patton the common factor?

"Stop!" The words came out louder than the situation called for, but Patton couldn't let the argument escalate into shouting. "Please don't feel guilty for leaving when I pushed you away!"

They stared at him.

He dropped his gaze to where he was subconsciously twisting his hands in his lap, trying to keep his breathing steady.

"I know I got too much, too overprotective of all of you. I lectured you all on a lot of things, and I know I can be hypocritical, and I demand a lot of attention from you. I'm trying to get better, I swear, but you don't have to take the blame for me being...me."

"Pat-" Roman's voice caught as he tried to speak.

Patton chanced a look up at his soulmates. Virgil's face was absolutely stricken, staring at him in...was that shock? Logan was frowning, though seemingly not in anger.

"Patton, could you please detail what incidents make you think you are like that, or that any of us see you that way."

"Well...I've lectured all three of you a lot, especially on not lying...and I know my puns get annoying, for you especially Logan...oh and I told Roman he shouldn't have the bad guys win in his stories but then changed my mind on those kinds of things and never explained why, and I know I babied Virgil a _lot_ and I was never very helpful when any of you were upset because I would just get upset _for_ you and that's really self centred of me and-"

"Woah, woah, woah, okay that's enough," Virgil interrupted, "you don't seriously think that do you? Like, surely you don't think you were the reason? You’re the last person at fault! I- Pat, none of that would ever make me dislike you enough to never want to speak to you again! It’s the same for the others.”

“I agree with Virgil,” Logan spoke up, leaning forward a little and Patton dropped his gaze to his lap again, “while I do not share the same sense of humour as you, I do appreciate the clever wordplay of some puns. In addition, it has always seemed that you play the part of the metaphorical moral compass of our group. Your moral code may perhaps be the strictest, or at least your primary concern whenever any of us have an issue to solve, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. We all balance one another out. Furthermore, I am sincerely concerned that you think the flaws you may or may not have had as a child would cause us to dislike you now. That would be completely irrational.”

“You where the only one who tried to hold us together...” Roman’s voice was small, sounding so odd from someone usually so excitable.

His hand dropped to the cushions between them, palm up, giving Patton the strangest notion that he wanted him to hold it. Patton cautiously placed his own hand next to Roman’s and the other man immediately grabbed it, holding him tight.

Patton finally looked up at his soulmate’s face and his breath caught in his throat.

Roman was _crying_.

Not much - just one tear and another threatening to spill over - but Patton’s heart broke knowing _he_ had caused it, even if the others probably wouldn’t admit it was his fault.

There was a sniffle that didn’t come from Roman, and Patton realised Virgil was blinking very fast, eyes red, and Logan had gone completely rigid, face suddenly expressionless.

Patton swallowed back the lump in his throat. It didn’t help. He wanted to bust into tears but this was exactly what he’d been saying. He always just had to be so overly emotional, always making it about him.

“Right-” Roman choked, “right up until the very end you were always trying so hard to make us smile and keep us invested in our friendship. You were always there for us. The last...the last words I ever saw on my skin for _four years_ were your “goodnight L R V” and a little blue heart at-”

“Twelve minutes to midnight, September seventeenth,” came three voices.

Patton's throat clamped up.

“And we never replied...” Roman whispered.

And with that Patton broke, tears spilling down his face and breath hitching as he weakly tried to hide his face behind hair and glasses and the sleeve of his cardigan. His mind was screaming at him.

_Selfish! Whiny! Over-emotional! What must they think of you, you can’t hold it together? It's your fault you're like this anyway - you were the one who worked too hard. They shouldn't have to help you. That isn't fair._

To hell with that, it didn’t matter anymore. Patton was crying in front of someone else for the first time in who knew how long and it felt _good_. He could be the centre of attention for once, let them coddle him for a while. Tomorrow he could go back to holding himself together. Tomorrow he could be who they needed him to be.

Right now, he let Roman throw his arms around his neck, and Virgil come to lean against his other side, and Logan sit on the coffee table and reach out to grab his hand. Right now he just let himself cry, and let them hold him.

It felt so wonderful to be held. So safe, and so loved. For a single selfish moment, Patton allowed himself to wish it could never end.

Allowed himself to believe they might want to love him back.

He was mumbling apologies over and over, trying to say he was just tired, but there was a hand running through his hair and someone else’s tears were dripping on his shoulder and fingers were tracing shaky circles on the back of his hand and _why_ _wasn’t he strong enough to comfort them?_

He wasn't even sure why he was crying. It wasn't really sadness, that was for sure, but there was so much emotion locked up inside him, over so many years, and the way the others looked at him like _they_ were sad that _he_ was upset, like he wasn't just their soulmate but their _friend_ , he couldn't help letting some of it spill out.

Not everything by any means, but it was cathartic all the same.

It could have been minutes, it could have been _hours_ later when Patton felt the first telltale shift that someone wanted to end the embrace, and he moved a little to wriggle out of the various arms. He missed their warmth terribly the moment he moved away but he didn’t want to demand more from them than they were willing to give.

When he his breath calmed and he wiped his eyes, he spoke again.

“But I don’t understand...If it wasn't _my_ fault then why...why did you leave?”

~~*~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does that count as a cliff hanger? If so I'm sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Pls let me know what you think, I thrive off feedback.
> 
> And by the way, tell me if I ever misrepresent characters' identities or experiences or anything, including stuff I should know like aro or ace identities. I really don’t want to enforce any stereotypes or anything harmful, and I have very little knowledge on anything, so please let me know and I will do my best to fix it.
> 
> Oh! Also my (tentative) update schedule is every other Sunday. It isn't as often as I like but I cant get chapters of this length done in a week w/out ignoring schoolwork.


	4. Communication is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continues right on from the previous chapter. The other three answer Patton's question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh this one is really dialogue heavy, sorry about that. Also realised part way through writing this that an American college course is four years not three so their ages probably don't make sense. Tbh theres not much I can do to fix it other than say the college in this town is weird and does a three year drama course.
> 
> Warnings: some cursing, reference to drinking that would have been underage, referenced polyamory-phobia (idk what the word is)

"If it wasn't _my_ fault then why...why did you leave?”

The question was met with a heavy silence.

There was no music playing now, no whirr of the dish-washer from the kitchen, even the cars and people outside faded away until the whole world was just the four of them, crowded together in the corner of the room.

When the stillness dragged on a little too long, Patton shifted uncomfortably.

"If its too personal you don't have to-"

"No, I owe you an explanation," Roman interrupted, "its hurting you." He was staring at his hands fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt.

Patton knew he was uncomfortable, and made to protest again but Virgil spoke up instead.

"Yeah we should probably have gotten this over with, on like the first day. Communication is key, and all that."

There didn't seem to be any way to back out now, and Patton was kicking himself for asking. He'd tried not to be clingy and overbearing and nosy and what had he gone and done? Exactly that. Now everyone was feeling awkward, and he was basically guilt tripping them into talking - the same way as he'd gotten them to write again.

 _So useless Patton, so pushy. They'll hate you in the end, if they don't already_.

As the seconds ticked by, and no-one spoke, Patton dared hope maybe he could get them to drop it. _Just tell them doesn't matter, and change the subject and we can forget all about this._

Then Logan spoke.

"I suppose I shall start, if no-one else is willing," he paused, stalling, then gave a tiny, jerky nod, sat up perfectly straight, and fixed his gaze somewhere above Patton's head.

"It is quite straight-forward. My grades began to slip throughout high school and my parents identified the problem as being the amount of time I was spending communicating with you three. I could tell they were disappointed, even if they didn't say it explicitly."

His expression was completely shut off, and he was sitting so stiffly that Patton actually noticed when he blinked.

"It did not make logical sense to me that conversing with you would have been that much of a detriment to my studies, but I was having difficulty concentrating and staying motivated, with no other apparent cause, and my parents have more life experience than I, so I concluded they must have been correct.

"I wrote less throughout junior year, but by senior year my grades were still not as high as would have been expected from someone like me. I stopped altogether in an effort to focus on more," there was a pause so brief Patton almost missed it, and Logan's brow furrowed ever so slightly, " _productive_ endeavours.

"By the time studying was no-longer my primary concern, all communication between us had ceased some months before, which I, apparently incorrectly, took as a sign that the soulmate bond did not matter to you three, and so I did not write again."

"I will not pretend it wasn't my choice to stop writing - while my parents implied what they wished me to do, I was not coerced or persuaded into it - but I would like to clarify it was not a decision I took lightly." Logan's voice was shaking slightly by then. He looked so torn up, even as his entire body was rigid and his face expressionless.

_Not a decision he took lightly...oh goodness, he must have been struggling so much and I couldn't help him._

Logan cleared his throat a little and his gaze flitted between the other three for a second before coming to rest firmly on his lap.

"I hope that explanation is satisfactory. Please inform me of anything I should clarify."

Patton's heart _ached_.

Logan's formal speech patters were usually so endearing (it was one of the many things Patton had instantly adored about him), but this was all wrong. This was too rehearsed, too robotic, completely shutting down all emotion for fear of rejection (something Patton recognised far too well). Patton wanted to pull his soulmate's into his arms, to hold him tight and let him cry the tears he was forcibly holding back, to let Logan know he wasn't angry or hurt by his explanation.

To tell him he forgave him (though there was nothing that needed forgiveness).

Instead he just reached out to give Logan's hand a squeeze. It didn't convey even a fraction of what he felt, but his throat had closed up so he wouldn't have been able to speak even if he knew what to say.

Oh _great_ , now Patton was making someone else's pain all about him. _Again_.

Logan looked up at him and Patton's face must have conveyed some sort of helpful emotion for the furrow between Logan's brows softened and his shoulders relaxed a little. It wasn't enough but it would do.

Beside him, Virgil shifted a little and Patton was suddenly aware of their other soulmates again.

Two more people that needed emotional support.

He tried not to feel too exhausted.

(He was, of course, completely overlooking the fact that _he_ was the one who needed the support and reassurance right now, and that he didn't need to be a shoulder to cry on while _they_ were trying to look after _him_.)

"I uh," Virgil started, shifting back towards the arm of the sofa, away from Patton, "I'll go next. Just gotta get it over with.

"I guess for me it was 'cause I was some dumb teenager thinking 'fuck society'. My parents weren't soulmates but had - have - a really good relationship. My two best friends _were_ soulmates and their relationship was...well J calls it a QPR and Re calls it friends with benefits. Anyway, we lived in kinda a purist place - everyone's expected to marry their soulmate, you know - and my parents and friends got a lot of shit for being weird.

"So I had loads of people around me saying cheesy stuff like 'oh, don't worry so much about your soulmate, you're gonna love them no matter what, you'll meet them and it'll just _work_ ' which really doesn't help 'cause anxiety isn't rational. And then I had all the people close to me saying society can shove it, and being very happy living that way, so I thought they were probably right.

"I drifted a bit I guess. My three soulmates were just words on my skin...I dunno...you just didn't feel that _real_.

"So I started dating other people - not saying you _shouldn't_ date people who aren't your soulmates but yeah - and _that_ felt real...but the relationship always failed cause of me."

Patton made to protest, wanting to reassure Virgil it couldn't always have been his fault, but his soulmate ploughed on.

" _I_ would be the one to get drunk at a party and cheat, _I_ didn't communicate enough, _I_ was too much to deal with. Towards the end of high school I'd kinda gotten used to the idea that I'd probably never meet my soulmates and would just have a string of failed relationships with other people.

"I didn't dislike any of you guys or anything, but no-one I actually respected ever made it clear that it was ok to want a stereotypical soulmate relationship if that's what makes you happy. To be honest I'm _still_ trying to accept that idea."

Virgil shifted and brought one leg up onto the sofa so it was tucked against his chest, almost protectively.

"But by the time I started college, I had a long term boyfriend - ex-boyfriend now - who really _got_ me. I was happy and I kinda..."

He shrunk into himself further, hair falling over his face and hands twisting together in his hoodie pocket.

"...well it felt safer, more certain. I knew where I stood, and I liked the guy. It felt...it felt more _right_ than being with three people I'd never met and barely spoke to anymore. And I kinda just...stopped."

Virgil didn't make to speak again, and Patton figured that was it.

Strange...it didn't sound like the whole story. There had been a shift during his speech: when he brought up that boyfriend, Virgil had suddenly sounded more uncertain. Maybe he was just dreading how the others might react to him having dated other people, but Patton found himself wondering if Virgil was actually telling the whole truth - after all, he hadn't said why that relationship broke up.

Patton berated himself for assuming Virgil was lying. _He's perfectly entitled to privacy._

He once again resisted the urge to hug his soulmate to let him know it was alright. Physical contact looked like the last thing Virgil needed now. He gave a reassuring smile, and the other seemed to relax slightly, giving a small, tight-lipped, pale-imitation-of-a-smile back.

At this point the conversation just felt weird. It was like circle time at school but instead of introducing yourselves you had to explain the reasons for your teenage insecurities. Patton was well beyond regretting asking, he just wanted this to be over.

But at the same time...it was helping. Sure, he felt awful for not being enough for Virgil to feel right thinking of a future with his soulmates, and for being too much for Logan so he thought he had to pull away, but the knowledge that it wasn't _directly_ his fault, and that they probably weren't all regretting ever reconnecting with him, eased his worries a little. Not a lot, but it was something.

Roman cleared his throat and Patton turned to him, seeing Logan check his watch, and Virgil relax now the attention was off him

"I grew up in a purist area too, though I had quite the opposite experience to Virgil."

He was looking towards his lap, gaze unfocused. His voice sounded far away.

"My family _were_ the purists, mostly through ignorance rather than maliciousness, I believe. I wasn't really aware of it when I was young, though I must have had some idea for, when I realised I had more than one soulmate, I asked my parents if that was _possible_ rather than outright _telling_ them.

"I am incredibly grateful that was how I went about it for they explained it wouldn't be good for a person to have more than one soulmate. Their reasoning was that if soulmates are two halves of a whole then a group of soulmates would be splitting that whole into smaller pieces so the people involved aren't complete."

Patton frowned. He had never subscribed to the "two halves of a whole" philosophy and, judging by Logan and Virgil's expressions, neither did they. Roman, however, didn't refute his parent's opinion.

"For a long time I simply ignored what my parents had said. After all, I was very happy with all of you, but gradually I started to doubt myself. My parents began to say worse things about groups of soulmates - mostly along the lines of 'how would that work' and 'imagine having to be good enough for so many people' - and I supposed I got more and more confused."

It suddenly struck Patton just how _not_ like Roman he seemed now. There was none of the boisterousness, nor the laughter in his eyes that meant Patton couldn't help but smile too.

Oh what had he done? They were all upset because of _him_ -

"My three older sisters all found their soulmates, and went off to college or started families. My older brother moved in with his soulmate even before he finished high school, though from the way my parents hardly spoke about him afterwards I don't think his relationship was what his parents wanted it to be

"Him leaving really hurt my parents, and I didn't want to do that to them too. Maybe I wrote less because I was scared, I don't know, but the fact that everyone else - well except Patton - were writing less somehow proved to me it wouldn't work. So when we all stopped it was...this makes me sound awful but...it was a _relief_. If my parents thought I didn't have any soulmates they would just pity me and that would be so much easier to deal with.

"So I took a gap year to train at my father's company, which was the compromise for me going to theatre school, and now I'm here, burning my way through mummy and daddy's money on a theatre course they wouldn't have paid for if Remus hadn't disappeared off into the sunset." His words held a hint of bitterness but he mostly just sounded sad.

Roman had been tracing the writing on his arms as he spoke but he suddenly stopped, pulling his hand away like he'd been burned, and gripped the sofa cushions instead. Patton carefully placed a hand on his shoulder and Roman immediately leaned into it, sagging completely against the cushions.

He wanted to do more to help him, to help all of them, but he didn't know what to say.

"Wait, did you say your brother's called Remus?"

Roman looked over at Virgil confused. "I did."

"Is his soulmate called Janus?" Virgil was leaning forward now and Patton shuffled back so they could talk across him, seeing Logan glance between them curiously and then check his watch again.

"Yeah...do you know him?"

"Remus and Janus were my friends. Me and you must have grown up in the same town, though I don't think we went to the same school. Remus went to some snooty private school before he moved in with J so I assume thats where you went?"

"Yep, that sounds right." Roman sighed to himself before asking, almost tentatively, "how is he? Do you know?"

"I haven't seen him in a while but the three of us still talk a bit. He's doing fine I think. Still a trash goblin but what else is new?"

"That sounds like my brother!" Roman laughed.

Patton was glad to see that smile back, even if it was a little wistful. Roman clearly missed his brother but didn't look like he wanted to admit it.

Beside him, Virgil had uncurled himself from his protective position, and on the table Logan was looking pensive.

"The odds of that are truly very small...How fascinating..."

They all fell quiet again and Patton tried not to sigh. A feeling of melancholy had descended over them, though Patton supposed that was better than them all sobbing in a pile on the sofa.

He knew they needed to talk about this more, that there was still things left unsaid. Logan didn't really say why he made a decision that upset him, when no-one was forcing him to. Virgil's story was a black hole from the start of college onwards. Roman's explanation didn't quite make sense, and he hadn't actually said he no longer believed what his parents told him.

From what Patton could gather, it really seemed like they all had some extra emotional issues that they weren't willing to talk about yet.

Which he was fine with, Patton realised. Sure, he was too much for Logan, not enough for Virgil, and Roman's issue was Patton's very _existence_ , but there wasn't really anything he could've done to keep them talking. The circumstances were all out of his control.

There was still a part of him that insisted he should have _done something_ , should have _tried harder_ , but Patton pushed that down with the practiced ease of someone who'd been doing this all his life. Pushed it down with the fear of being too-much, not-enough, in-the-way, and the knowledge he was likely falling headfirst into unrequited love.

He was okay now, he told himself. _The issue is resolved and I can now be the emotional support they need._

Patton didn't condone lying.

Patton was also a hypocrite.

Logan glanced at his watch again. His leg was starting to bounce. "I know it is not what many would define as 'late' however I believe it would be pertinent for us all to aim for an early night tonight. This evening has been rather strenuous."

"Yeah, I'm usually nocturnal but I'm kinda tired now. And Pat's had a stressful week."

"Oh don't worry about me kiddo! It hasn't been anything I cant handle!"

"Falsehood!" Logan said indignantly, more concerned than angry.

"Patton, darling, we know you're overworked, please promise you'll get some proper beauty sleep tonight...not that you need it," Roman added with a grin, tapping Patton's nose and making him blush something awful.

"While ample rest is beneficial for one's appearance, I would argue none of you three require it for that purpose," Logan said, gathering his papers, "you are all quite - I believe this is the correct usage - _fine_."

Well _that_ certainly didn't help Patton's composure, nor Roman's if his sudden blush was anything to go by.

"Says you, L."

Apparently that, combined with his signature crooked smile, was all it took for Virgil to fluster Logan. The poor guy practically made the windows error noise.

Then Patton was giggling and Roman was chuckling and Virgil was trying to hold back a snicker and Logan was smiling fondly and they were all filing out the door into the night.

They said their goodbyes as Patton locked up, then prepared to go their separate ways.

"Wait!" Patton burst out, "um...thank you...for this. I'm sorry I pushed you guys into it but that talk...really helped."

"You're all good Pop-Star, I think talking it out a bit helped me too." Virgil said softly.

"Oh certainly! Also we quite literally abandoned you, I think you were owed an explanation."

"Indeed. And it feels a better to get it off my chest, so to speak."

It was strange really. They were all looking at him with roughly the same expression but there were so many subtle differences. Virgil's mouth was always crooked to one side no matter what expression he pulled. Logan naturally smiled with his eyes more than anything else, and always looked ever so slightly curious. Roman was so overly expressive, emotion clear in his entire body, not just his face.

Patton wondered what they were all thinking about that made them smile so.

(He was in an oversized coat, eyes shining behind his glasses, and backlit by a streetlight that made him _glow._ )

Oddly, by the time Patton got home, he wasn't so overwhelmingly tired. The evening spent with his soulmates, despite how emotionally draining it had been, relaxed him so he was just sleepy, and content, and somehow optimistic about the future. He wasn't sure if it was because socialising always made him feel better, or if it was because it was specifically with his soulmates.

_My soulmates._

He fell asleep smiling.

~~*~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Am I forgiven for the cliffhanger now lol?
> 
> Btw if theres anything that's confusing, in this chapter or any, just ask me to clarify. I have all these ideas and I keep forgetting that I need to actually explain them properly.


	5. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's emotions seem to flip-flop quite a lot. For a while he's doing okay, then thanksgiving brings up old stress and he breaks a little again. His soulmates are there for him though, and finally Patton is persuaded that some things need to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter we get puns, Logan's flashcards, goofy fluff, angst, abandonment issues I think, mentions of thanksgiving, self-deprecation, crying, comfort, a long ass scene of pure logicality, my Logan is a Hopeless Romantic agenda, and Patton pining obliviously again! Enjoy!
> 
> (Also, apologies if this chapter reads as "working yourself to exhaustion to succeed is a good idea", it's cause I don't know shit about running a business. Don't do capitalism, kids.)

"Greetings, my wonderful soulmates!" Roman exclaimed, draping himself dramatically over one of the couches like an 18th century noble waiting for their betrothed to return from the war, and hoping they wouldn't catch influenza this winter.

Patton giggled at his antics, bringing the drinks over and sitting on the couch opposite Roman. Beside him, Logan just rolled his eyes and returned to grading papers for one of the classes he assisted teaching.

"Princey, you better stop taking up the whole couch or I will sit on you," Virgil threatened.

"Excuse you! I've had a hard day, an actor needs his rest!" Roman rolled fully onto his back and kicked his legs up to hang over the arm of the couch, clearly not intending to move for anything.

"Fine." Virgil moved to sit right where Roman's head was and the other man shot upright with a very offended, and very undignified, huff. He gave Virgil just enough time to sit down before he fell back again, landing so his head was in Virgil's lap.

Patton couldn't help laughing at Virgil's "OOF", and even Logan gave a small snort of laughter, though he pretended he wasn't paying attention.

Virgil made an exasperated noise but Patton didn't miss his blush, or that he started running his fingers through Roman's hair anyway.

Roman lifted a hand to his soulmate's cheek.

"Oh Virgil, I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes-"

"-and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle's," Logan finished, "Much Ado About Nothing, if I am not mistaken." He pushed his glasses up his nose and tried not to look smug.

"Hey! Who knew our resident nerd was familiar with Shakespeare!" Roman grinned, rolling over slightly but not moving from Virgil's lap.

"But of course - he is a master of word play, not to mention that particular play is an early example of the enemies to lovers trope, which is rather interesting."

"Oh, you like his word play?" Patton couldn't resist the opportunity, bouncing a little as he grinned at Logan. At his soulmate's nod he grinned even wider.

"Isn't that basically puns though?"

Too late, Logan realised the trap.

"Well I can _bard-ly_ believe it! Hey, why did Puck cross the road?" Patton looked around at the others mischievously. "He saw someone he knew _Oberon_ the other side!"

From the other couch, Virgil and Roman snickered while Logan just groaned, his dismayed face only serving to make Patton clap his hands slightly in glee.

"Please refrain from butchering the English language in such a way."

Patton shrugged. "As You Like It."

There was a pause, then..."ah I see what you did there," Roman said, "you mean the play right?"

"Yep!"

Logan sighed, despairing but with a rueful smile, the sentiment echoed by the two on the other couch.

Patton just beamed at them, cheerfulness flooding his system. He'd made his soulmates laugh! Well, maybe laugh was a stretch, but despairing looks and trying-not-to-smile was the desired reaction from dad jokes, so it counted.

He hummed to himself as he sipped his hot chocolate (caffeine at this time would be a bad idea, though neither Virgil nor Logan seemed to care about that), leaning back into the couch cushions and trying to physically soak in the presence of his soulmates around him.

A feeling of cheerfulness was bubbling up inside him, as it had been for most of the week. Smiling came more easily and he'd actually been telling his terrible puns, rather than keeping quiet for fear of annoying whoever he was talking to. In fact, all four soulmates seemed to be happier in the last few days. Patton wasn't sure if it was his own cheerfulness affecting them, or vice versa, or if it was all a mutual reaction to their heartfelt conversation a week ago, but it didn't really matter.

Sure, he was more or less as stressed as always - thats what running a business on your own will do to you - and there was always that worry in the back of his mind that others were just putting up with him because they had to, but it was better. Better than he had been for years.

\-----

The feeling of cheerfulness was short-lived, and really Patton should have been expecting this by now. Thanksgiving crept up on him (just like it always did, with not even a phone-call from his family to mark it) and now the weekend was here again and his soulmates where all away visiting family and Patton was trying so hard not to feel jealous.

It was selfish to wish they were with him, to be resentful that they'd all been invited home while Patton hadn't heard from him family in years, to itch to write something asking how they were doing, to try to start a conversation because he was so lonely after only a day without seeing them. He was so clingy.

But there was hardly any ink on his skin now! Only a day away from him and they were hardly writing again. Was that it? Was that all it took for them to find more interesting things to do than talk to him? Patton was slipping again, he knew it, and with so little reason. But every time he caught sight of blank skin, he was thrown back into the memories of those years of silence, the emotions he'd tried to bury surging right back up again.

He was so _weak_.

How could they ever care for him if he was just so pathetic?

The thoughts swirled round his head all Saturday and Sunday and only got worse though Monday when he didn't see any of the three. All he could think was _did they not want to see him again?_ And _he should stop being so self centred_. They all had things to do - Roman and Logan both had college and Virgil was probably sleeping or catching up on art commissions - and it wasn't like they _knew_ he was upset. It wasn't their fault, and he didn't blame them.

But he _needed_ to see them again.

There came the ding of the bell as someone entered the cafe.

"Just a minute!" Patton called from the kitchen. Seriously, who was arriving now? It was only five minutes to closing! He grabbed a pile of plates from the dishwasher, stacking far too many mugs on top. He didn't notice how much his hands were shaking.

"Hey Patton, it's us! We're back!"

Patton turned sharply to where the voice came from, seeing his three soulmates standing in the door. He'd moved too fast and the mugs slid from the top of the pile, smashing across the floor, followed quickly by the plates as they fell from Patton's fingers.

For a moment Patton stared at the figures in the kitchen doorway, then at the shards of ceramic all over the floor.

Then he burst into tears.

\-----

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened..."

Patton was wrapped in a blanket on the sofa, Roman sitting beside him and holding his hand while Logan swept up the broken crockery and Virgil cleared up the tables and reloaded the dishwasher.

"I don't...I'm sorry for making you all have to deal with this...I'm so over-emotional-" His voice turned watery again and he tried to force the tears back down

"Please don't apologise, my dear. It's what we're all here for - to look after each other. Now," Roman have him a soft smile, "would you like a hug."

Patton took one look at Roman's outstretched arms and immediately melted into them, letting the other pull him right into his chest. His brain almost short circuited at the safety and closeness of the embrace. Roman was so warm and solid, and he was _here_. Slowly, Patton's breathing calmed, and the internal chant of _useless, pathetic, weak_ was lost among a rush of emotion for the man holding him.

"Hey Pat," Virgil spoke softly, sitting on the other couch, "you ok now?"

Patton lifted his head a little to look over at him, not missing the way Roman's arms tightened around him for a second before letting him go. "I'm all-alright now, kiddo," he winced when his voice cracked slightly, "sorry to be such a bother."

Virgil gave him a sympathetic look, clearly not believing that he was really that okay but not pushing it.

"You are not a bother, Patton," Logan said, joining Virgil, "it is the least we can do to look after you when you are upset. Now, I think we are all in agreement that you should not work yourself so hard. I do not know if this was caused by work related stress," he paused, giving Patton a pointed look.

The others all looked directly at him too. He knew they wanted an explanation but he wasn't about to say "I was terrified you'd all leave me again because you didn't write for two days", so he just shrugged.

"Well, whatever the cause, I believe taking more time for yourself - perhaps by hiring someone to help, or closing the cafe one day a week - will be highly beneficial."

"I'll be fine," Patton forced down a yawn, "I've been doing this for years."

Logan frowned and rummaged in his bag. "Aha," he produced a small piece of paper. " _Did I stutter?_ "

Everyone did a double take, Virgil's head twisting round so fast there was an audible crack and he winced.

"What? Was that not the correct usage of the phrase?"

"No, that works," Roman shook his head slightly disbelievingly.

"Jeez L, you weren't kidding when you said you used flashcards... But you know he's right Pat - you need to take a step back. Stress isn't fun. And it's not like the business is struggling, is it?"

Patton shook his head, "but-"

"No-one will hate you for looking after yourself," Roman said softly. Patton turned towards him and made the mistake of making eye contact. The gentleness in those beautiful eyes took his breath away, his long lashes, the curve of his small smile, the way his thumb was tracing circles on the back of the hand he was holding.

_Oh no. No, not so soon._

With great difficulty he tore his gaze away, seeing the worry etched into the furrow of Virgil's brow, and the care in Logan's quiet sigh, and stared resolutely at the floor.

Here were three pairs of eyes he wanted to drown in, but Patton couldn't let himself until he learned to breath underwater.

"We care about you Patton," came Virgil's voice, "you're our friend, or at least I think of you as my friend."

"Indeed, I concur with Virgil."

"I meant it when I said we're here for you," Roman said, "we aren't just soulmates, we're friends."

Patton's heart seized at the words, something between joy and relief and euphoria swelling in his chest, making a smile break across his face.

He was their _friend_.

He hadn't had friends in so long and these three just walked into his life and immediately attached themselves to him, and each other, like it was the simplest thing in the world. A small part of him was beginning to realise the overly enthusiastic displays of affection he longed to give would be met with equal enthusiasm.

\-----

They talked it over again a few days later, and without the tiredness of having just finished a long day Patton could see they had a point. He couldn't keep working himself so hard, or, as Virgil cheerfully put it, into an early grave. So he reluctantly agreed to close early that Wednesday and go with Logan to the library to go though the cafe's finances and work out how much time he could afford to take off. Logan had insisted on the change of scenery, saying Patton must surely get bored of only seeing the inside of one building all day, and again Patton relented.

He was a little awestruck at how much this man, who'd seemed so closed off at first, genuinely wanted to help him. And wasn't Patton a sucker for kindness.

Logan arrived while Patton was closing up, not saying much beyond a greeting. He waited quietly while Patton got his coat and scarf on, and locked up the cafe, then they were walking through the chilly streets towards the city library.

Patton searched his mind for something to start a conversation with, eventually setting on "gosh, it's cold isn't it."

"It is not surprising, it is winter after all," Logan replied, hardly glancing at Patton.

Patton tried again. "Which do you prefer, winter or summer?"

"I do not really have a preference. The hottest temperatures of summer and coldest of winter are equally uncomfortable, and neither have a particularly optimal amount of daylight."

"Oh yeah I like them about the same too. Winter is all cosy, but summer's so fun," he trailed off and, when Logan didn't speak, bit back a sigh. The other man clearly wasn't in the mood for talking.

This wouldn't have been so disappointing if he'd seemed like he was just enjoying the walk, but Logan was marching briskly, gaze fixed straight ahead with only the goal of getting to the library in mind. It was a shame really - the cold and the quiet of the evening streets was almost romantic, but maybe Paton was just being a sap.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, neither speaking until Logan announced their arrival at the town library. It wasn't anything particularly fancy - not the grand old building Patton was expecting - but it was nice enough, and the academia vibe was much better once they were inside and winding through high bookshelves.

Logan led him to a table in the back corner, where they might as well have been the only two people in the world it was so quiet. Patton immediately got distracted looking at the spines of the books nearby, smiling to himself when he realised Logan had lead him to the astronomy section.

"This is your favourite part of the library, isn't it," he asked, already knowing the answer.

"It is, I come here rather frequently. How did you deduce that?"

"It just makes sense," he pulled a book at random from the shelf, flipping through the slightly worn pages, "you like science, and stars suit you, y'know..."

"You are very perceptive, Patton." Logan came up next to him, looking over his shoulder at the page Patton's book was open to, showing several beautiful pictures of what appeared to be the birth of a star. "Astronomy is one of my favourite areas of physics to research in my spare time. I find it...soothing to be surrounded by books about stars while I work my way through endless assignments."

He pointed to one of the more beautiful pictures in the book, labeled _the Pillars of Creation -_ green-gold clouds against a turquoise background full of magenta stars. "While the formation of a protostar from a nebula like this is fascinating from a scientific standpoint, I must admit I do appreciate the images for more...sentimental, or dare I say... _romantic_ reasons. Mind you, what this particular book does not say is-" he stopped abruptly and walked back to the table. "I apologise. If I start talking about that I'll never stop."

"Wait you cant leave it there!" Patton protested.

"Oh it's nothing particularly interesting," he waved a hand, "just that particular nebula has likely already been destroyed, but we wont see it for another millennium."

"No thats really cool!" Patton tucked the book back on the shelf, and went to sit next to his soulmate. "Its like looking back in time!"

"I suppose it is."

"It's to do with light isn't it? How does that work? I never really understood it."

"Now, Patton if you distract me with stars, we really shall be here all night."

"But Logaaaaaaan," Patton pretended to whine, leaning on Logan's shoulder and batting his eyelashes, "all your talk of space has me _starstruck_!" He snickered at Logan's groan. "I really thought we were on the same _wavelength_!"

"And to think I actually missed your puns," Logan shook his head, "come on, we have work to do."

Patton laughed, and sat up properly. Logan's face was flushed, though Patton didn't really know why. He hoped he hadn't embarrassed him.

Five minutes later and they were surrounded by papers, Patton's ancient laptop between them, with the cafe owner trying to explain the organisation of his finances to a very confused Logan. The first time Logan had facepalmed was when Patton opened a word document rather than a spreadsheet and it only went down from there.

"Patton, I am baffled. Your system for tracking your finances is, quiet frankly, a disorganised mess and yet somehow I have not seen a single mistake in your calculations, and you have managed to turn a profit every year except the first, which is an incredible feat of financial organisation. All I can say is... _how_?"

"Its a system that makes sense to me I guess," he shrugged, "and I'm very careful. Also I worked as much as I could though high school and saved it all so I didn't have to take out so much of a loan to get the cafe started, and I got lucky with the neighbourhood the cafe's in getting much more popular just _after_ I signed the contract with really low rent."

They began working through the numbers, mostly just working out how much time Patton could take off a week and still make a good profit. Under Logan's insistence, they also calculated if he could afford to hire someone to work behind the counter (he could) but Patton knew that would be where he drew the line in practice. He always liked everything to be done in such a particular way, he didn't think he'd be able to relax with someone else manning the coffee machine, or helping bake.

As they worked, Patton kept having to remind himself not to get so close to Logan. The other man blushed every time Patton leant across him, or their arms brushed, and Patton would then berate himself for making him uncomfortable. It was difficult to remember, though, when they were working in such close proximity, and Logan never actually tried to move away.

The minutes ticked into hours, and Logan's calm voice rumbled in his ear, and Patton found he was almost enjoying himself. Math came much easier after running a business than it had in all his years of schooling, so it was just boredom he had to avoid. And with Logan there, doing adorable things like holding the end of a pen between his teeth and bouncing it when he needed to think, it certainly wasn't boring.

"Well," said Logan, checking the calculations over one more time, "everything's in order. I believe we are done. So we are in agreement - you will close early on Wednesdays and have reduced hours on Sundays?"

"Yep! Great!" Patton had to physically restrain himself from hugging Logan. "Thanks so much for your help Logan! You're really smart-"

"Patton, we both know this was mostly your work. All I have done is check things over, occasionally catch mistakes, and listen when you needed to think out-loud, so to speak."

"Well, you kept me focussed..."

"That may be the case, but do not underestimate your own intelligence. You have quite the talent for business."

Patton didn't really know how to reply to that so changed the subject. They packed up and headed for the exit, both complaining about the sudden cold the moment they stepped outside.

It was completely dark now - not very late, but that's winter for you - with just street lamps and the occasional window display to light the way. They walked in silence again, though a more comfortable one than the journey there. Patton wanted so badly to reach out to take Logan's hand but was it too early to do that?

He fretted over it the whole walk, until suddenly they were standing at a crossing and Logan was saying this was where they had to part ways. Patton faced him, standing possibly a little too close. He was trying to work out what his soulmate might be feeling, but the glow from the streetlights was bouncing off his glasses so he couldn't see his eyes at all.

For a moment neither spoke, then Logan cleared his throat slightly and awkwardly adjusted his glasses.

"Well. Good night Patton, I shall see you soon."

Patton gave a small, half smile, wishing his stoic soulmate was easier to read. "Thank you for this," he said softly.

"It was a pleasure," Logan replied, just as softly and Patton's heart flipped.

For a moment, it seemed like Logan had leant in closer, or maybe Patton did, but then the light changed and the moment was gone. With a stiff nod, Logan turned, crossed the road and disappeared into the night.

Patton headed home, feeling quite lightheaded even as his heart pounded in his chest.

~~*~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, school's a bitch.
> 
> I'm going home for the holidays this weekend so I don't know when I'll actually be able to get the next chapter out, but hopefully it wont be too long. I do have the whole next section of the story planned at least, its just a case of having time to write.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [tumblr](https://overunderachiever.tumblr.com) which isn't very interesting but may have the occasional chapter ETA
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!


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